The Wrinkle of Time

Hands. Paper thin skin, like parchment paper. A lifetime etched on those bent scrolls. Every mark a testament of a lover's hand held, faces of dear children caressed and comforted, years of factory work. Those hands that raised little ones into adults, those hands that laid on the sick and prayed healing, those hands raised in worship, those hands clasped in fervent prayer. Holy hands.

Eyes. Rheumy, the seas of time washed over them. Eyes that have seen the beginnings of a century fighting its way through the birth of industry and technology. Automobiles, wars, radio, television, moon landings. Those eyes watching little children grow up into beautiful adulthood, those eyes beholding grandchildren. Eyes that have beheld the hardness of life, and the goodness of God. They still have their snap and sparkle. Dulled in vision from macular degeneration, but with clarity to see the hand of God working constantly on the behalf of family.

Legs, once strong enough to dance the night away to the tune of a fiddle, now tremble and shake when standing to rise. But those legs have stood firm on the Word and promises of God. Those knees have worn holes in carpet in hours of prayer.

We wear the tattoos of life on our bodies. Etched wrinkles each bearing witness to worry or laughter. Age spots that reflect a lifetime of standing in the warm sunshine. Arthritic fingers bent with the decades running across black and white keys. Knees calloused and thickened from leaping in athletics or bowed in prayer.

We are stunned when a yet unscarred, unmarked body passes. The smooth skin yet unwrinkled ages us further. Young hands left cold with much left to accomplish cause our own in clench at the injustice.

But a life well marked, we forget that those bodies once danced. Once fought. Once served. We forget that a lifetime is etched in what we bleach and fill and pay to buff out. We forget that ears that have heard the cacophony of a lifetime are so acutely tuned into the voice of God, and that they hear our conversation about them.

For some, those marks bear pain. Perhaps lines of addiction mar the forehead rather than years of laughter. Perhaps alcoholism has etched its mark. But even in those, redemption may be found.

We were never intended to bear any mark but that of the Creator. It is the fall that causes us to wear our lives so clearly. Yet, as He so often does, even in the marks of hard living, He can redeem and transform.

When the twilight of life blinks in glassy eye, when once strong legs betray us by buckling and trembling, and when twisted hands clasp in prayer again....The Creator beckons. He takes gnarled hands and transforms them into the smooth straight hands of youth. He bids rise, and trembling legs are strengthened and lengthened that they may once again dance in the Presence of a King. One by one, those years of earthly living are erased and give way to the smooth and clear skin of eternity.  Those eyes, glassy from all that has been seen, are clear and behold every mystery from the beginning of time.

The veil lifts.
Forever.

Be Brave

I had no idea when The Lord dropped the "BRAVE" theme in my life what that would mean. It meant walking through a  health situation with my husband. It meant resigning from a job I loved and that provided stability for me. Being brave  meant embracing the realities of homeschool, of launching a daughter off to college ( in just a few short weeks) and of overcoming my addiction to food and purposing to live a life of health and moderation. Being brave meant driving down to Los Angeles last week and meeting my biological brother for the first time. Brave meant trusting The Lord to provide for our needs with a diminished income due to my resigning. It meant being obedient when The Lord dropped The Clean Queen business idea into my life, and being brave meant pursuing that all out even though it scared me. Brave means facing a new normal with my sweet grandmother as she encountered a slight bump in her 97 years here on the earth. Being brave means welcoming restoration and choosing love to obtain freedom from the bondage of the past.

Through it all, I've learned that being brave does not mean that I'm not afraid. It doesn't mean that I don't get overwhelmed. It doesn't mean that I don't need support and encouragement. Being brave doesn't mean loneliness and isolation. What is does mean is that I choose faith over fear and trust in God. It means in my moments when I'm overwhelmed I get my praise on, and begin singing and proclaiming the goodness of my God. Being brave means admitting I need help, that I cannot do it alone. Bravery is sometimes surrender. Raising the white flag and arms raised, giving it all up. Bravery  looks different to different people. Some see bravery as victory only. Sometimes, bravery is getting up after defeat and pressing on.


I can only imagine the other areas of my life that God is going to teach me bravery this year. Life shifts instantly. We are a vapor. Here and then gone. So I will not assume I know what is next. But this I do know. He has made me Brave. (Bethel Music Album) He has called me out upon the water, the great unknown, where feet may fail (Oceans- Hillsong) I'm holding onto hope, I'm  holding onto grace, I'm fully letting go, I surrender to Your grace (Anchor- Bethel Music) And I know that You are for me, I know that You are for me, I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness (Kari Jobe)

Thank you Jesus for loving me too much to leave me like I am. Thank You for restoration, for healing, for provision, and for promise. Thank You for never leaving me, and for always working for my good. Teach me to brave Jesus. I trust in You, in Your goodness, and in Your mercy. You hold my life and ever moment. May every word I say and every moment bring glory to the Name above all names.

I love You Lord. I worship You. You are our God, You alone are good. (Hillsong United)

Faith Pyzer Graduates

Well. My eldest daughter is now a college student. She graduated joint Salutatorian (perfect tie with her boyfriend)  from Deep Valley Christian School on Saturday, June 14th.

I can't quite put into words what that event did for me as a mom. I'm so proud of her and the wonderful young woman she is. I'm eager for the next chapter in her life and our relationship. But beyond that which I can't articulate as yet, there was so much more wrapped into that day.

There was restoration. Those that I never thought would set foot into my home did so and shared in the joy and blessing that Faith is in our lives. We shared a meal, memories, and so much more. God was all over that day in countless ways. I still can't begin to explain all the miracles that took place, but suffice it to say that my heart is still pounding in glorious praise for a God that never leaves us broken. I think the residual effects will ripple into eternity. Here are a few pictures of our beautiful girl. Faith Lynne Pyzer. :o)

Answered Prayers: EVEN IF

Because I went public with some very real and pressing prayer requests I feel I also need to publicly PRAISE GOD for His provision in these circumstances. Here is the update thus far:

Tires for the car: PROVIDED!
Root Canal       : PROVIDED!

Both of these were made possible through a generous family member, and a generous friend whose gift, after insurance, pays for  the actual root canal portion of my dental issue. Since Zach had the exact same scenario a month ago, but we used the remainder of our FSA (flex spending account through his secular job) all we have left is to pay for the actual crown and post for both our procedures. That total is still daunting ($2600 total for his tooth and mine) plus we've exhausted our insurance for the year. But I know God will make a way!

That is INCREDIBLE! Because last month we had unusual expenses (registration on a car, along with some other stuff) I came SUPER close to draining our account. I had a $20.21 margin. But we made it WITHOUT overdrawing, no one went hungry, and in spite of my recent dental emergency, we've made it. I'm feeling like I just want to dance and sing and shout! God is a MIRACLE working GOD! I'm just in awe of His faithful provision, the support and encouragement of our families (we did borrow a little to get through!) and the amazing power of prayer!

I believe that God spoke provision and blessing over us this year. I'm still praying for provision to get out of debt, to pay off the remaining hospital bills, and to be able to feed our family. I know that He's got us in the palm of His hand! Thank each of you that has covered our family in prayer, answered His call by supporting us financially, and for encouraging us through your prayers and love! We couldn't do this without you!

I prayed for faith, and to go deeper and boy, is He ever answering that one!

Thank You Jesus for answering our cries, for equipping and empowering us, and for using us to make Your Name famous. We love you and adore and wait in expectation for Your miracles and Your Presence!

When "Even If" Is Tested

The blog post prior to this one is called "Even If". That theme in my life is so prevalent that I have it scrawled on my kitchen chalkboard so that every single time I'm at the sink, getting my coffee, or cooking, I have to see it. Yesterday I failed that "EVEN IF" test though. I'd just gotten back from my intense workout, was eating some Daves Killer Bread Thin Sliced with coconut spread on it, sipping my coffee, when I felt like a seed (Daves is FULL of seeds) got wedged in between my teeth. I got it out... along with half my back tooth. My EVEN IF season was in full swing. I mean... we had been praying about tires and God provided them (thanks to Grandpa Jay and Grandma Diane). That was a HUGE answer to prayer. Zach had an umpire check come in  just in time so we didn't overdraw our bank account. Another HUGE answer to prayer. So I was praising and trusting and on the upswing of trusting God for the other major requests we had. And then.

So often my faith life is interrupted with a "AND THEN" moment. And then.. another unexpected bill. And then... someone goes to the emergency room. And then... a broken tooth. Do I continue in faith, trusting that it is no surprise to God? Do I react in faith, believing that if He allowed it to happen that He's already made provision for it? Well, I wish I could say yes of course. That in that broken tooth moment I reacted by calmly saying to my kids watching me in horror .."its ok. God's got this. He's not going to let me be toothless. He's already made a provision for this unexpected dental emergency and we are all going to be ok". I WISH that is what happened. What happened instead was a frantic call to my husband at work (who is currently the ONLY  maintenance man for three properties which means he's is literally on call 24/7) and pretty much just told him that I was done with being here, making sacrifices, and then went on (because I rarely stop halfway) and basically just let him have it. All the while I'm hyperventilating, sobbing, and literally panicking about how we're not going to be able to pay to have my tooth fixed and we have all these bills we can't pay and and and and ...... yah. Not exactly faith filled. Not exactly, God I will praise You EVEN IF..... yeah. Not at all. You see, for me it is easier to trust God for the things that relate to our WHOLE family or to one of them. It is not that difficult to see my daughter heading to college and fully trusting and believing God to meet all of her needs in that area. Or for our provision... I know God won't let my kids go hungry. I know that God honors my husband for his hard work, for his steadfastness in preaching the Word, in loving people. I mean I really do! I know that God is never going to fail US... but it is the part about God never failing ME that I struggle with. It's in these "Even If" opportunities that our faith is revealed and the level of our depth with Jesus comes out into the open. I'm obviously pretty shallow. Because in MY EVEN IF moments, I remember every failing. Every time I've failed Jesus or my family, and I look down at the waves and sink in the turmoil of past regret and the fear that while I know He will provide for them... I lose sight of the love He has for ME. It is easy for me to see why people love my husband. He's easy to love! He's sweet, loving, kind, generous, faithful, loyal... I've actually never met anyone who DIDN'T like him. He  is just one of those amazing guys that is gifted with people. My kids? They are so amazing. They are kind, loving, talented, fun, I mean... really. It's easy to see why people love them.
I'm a hard person to love. I realized that a LONG time ago. I require A LOT. And because of insecurity and fear, I demand a lot of assurances. I'm opinionated, I'm not afraid to argue, and I have a hard time admitting when I'm wrong. I am NOT a people person. I've learned to be outgoing because I HAD to be, but I'm actually very introverted and being with people takes a lot of energy and effort for me. Not because I don't want to be with them, but because I'm just very aware that I'm HARD to be around and hard to love. So when it comes to trusting Jesus to meet MY needs like my tooth... its hard because I know that my reaction when it happened was NOT godly. I know that my thoughts and faithfulness WAVERED.  I told my friend last night via text that it felt like my head was in a vice, getting  squeezed tighter and tighter. As soon as I typed that out, I felt like even in that I was betraying the goodness that God has shown to me.
  My "Even If" got tested. I'm feeling like it pretty much revealed my true nature and that essentially means that I have quite a ways to go in learning to trust that Jesus loves ME as much as anyone else. And that His provision is sufficient for ME as well for my family. It's so funny that as soon as I think I've achieved another level in the game of life, there is another level to go. Another place where God wants to work and move and be glorified. So I'm trying this again.


Even if... my tooth breaks.... I will trust that You are good God. That you love me enough to take care of it.

Even if...... I am unlovable, ... I will trust in Your unfailing love.

Even if.